


Naruto: Generations

by jostenia



Series: history has its eyes on you [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations - Freeform, Childhood Trauma, Kid Fic, Multi, Trans Character, Trans Pregnancy, and raising their families, and the kids dealing with the world theyve been left, basically the naruto gang dealing with being child soldiers, sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-06 04:27:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11592918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jostenia/pseuds/jostenia
Summary: The hidden villages were built on war and death. Despite what the war hero Uzumaki Naruto wanted peace in such a world isn't so easily achieved. And, for the shinobi who grew up in this world, adjusting to life after war is even harder. Their children would have it easier if forces in the world weren't determined to keep the status quo. [BORUTO AU.]





	1. Chapter One: Sasuke Has Issues

**Author's Note:**

> an au next gen boruto fanfic. sort of. uses boruto characters but they're edited to fit this universe which is my gay version. it's gonna go from the blank period to boruto, etc etc and is gonna be dealing with the naruto gang, (BASICALLY CHILD SOLDIERS), trying to deal with becoming parents and marrying and shit and all their ptsd and other issues that come with from being child soldiers. then it'll eventually deal with the boruto era kids trying to grow up in a world shaped by what their parents have left and some other issues.

When he tells him, the first time, he feels his heart stop.

"What?"

"I'm- I've been late, y'know? I _n that way_. I asked Sakura and Hinata confirmed it for me-"

Pregnant. Pregnant.

( _memories of infants pulled from wombs too soon, dark corridors where women screamed and a snake piled the dead up high, tsking. "maybe next time we'll have something worthwhile."_ )

Something heavy settles on his chest, a crushing feeling that sucks all the air from his body. He wants to scream. He wants to cry. Something.  _SOMETHING_.

"I just- I thought you should know, y'know? I would have told you sooner but you're always gone and I wanted it to be in person, y'know? Something special- I don't know-"

Something. Something. Something.

**DO SOMETHING.**

"-Have you thought of names yet?"

He wants to run. Shut down. Cry. Scream. Something. Instead he looks at his best friend's, ( _only friend, sometimes_ ), face, blue eyes shining with worry, and draws his hands up, pulling him close.

He could leave. Tell him to get rid of it. That he can't handle this.

( _he can't. he can't. it's only a half formed creature right now, fluttering under his best friend's dark fingers and he can't handle it._ )

But he doesn't.

* * *

He stays in konoha after that. His mind is screaming to get out before it gets bad. ( _leave, leave, leave._ ) but, he's abandoned Naruto once, ( _twice? how many times had he left him behind?_ ), and, he can't stand to leave him now. Not when he's like this.

And he can't ask him to leave. Not when this village is his everything. Not when the people walking down the street finally recognize him and smile. When they love him. This is everything Naruto's ever wanted. Everything.

And the Uchiha clan was always meant to be in Konoha, weren't they?

So he stays.

* * *

Ino's the one who approaches him, in the end, not Sakura.

( _people will talk later. say they slept around, that they always knew how in love with him that haruno girl was._ )

They want children. It's all she can think about now, she says. She's so excited for him and Naruto- but she wants her own. And Ino- well Ino would give her the world.

So she asks Sasuke.

"We don't expect anything from you. Just- that way it's not just Naruto and you expecting to restore your clan, right?"

Naruto's all for it. ( _he's imagining a built in best friend for the little one growing inside him. shizune says it's a boy and naruto's thrilled. sasuke feels the weight in his chest grow heavier._ ) And- he's trying to make up for so much. So he agrees. He visits the clinic and that's that.

A couple weeks later Sakura and Ino both drop by to confirm that it's taken. Sakura's pregnant. They're all thrilled.

( _sasuke dreams of red streets and brothers killing brothers. he'll never say how relieved he is when they eventually find out sakura's expecting a girl._ )

* * *

It's a hot, humid August day when their son is born. The clouds are dark in the sky, storms building up inside them, when Naruto goes into labor. Sakura's barely pregnant at the time, still working at the hospital, and she and Shizune are there the entire time.

It feels like the entire village is there to give their encouragement but, as the hours trickle on, eventually the group dies down to the Konoha eleven, ( _plus the surly looking sai_ ), and their surviving mentors.

Six hours of strenuous labor later and their son finally enters the world. Naruto's crying, tears dripping down his face, fingers touching the child's little red face. Sakura asks for his name and the blond swallows, choking on a sob.

"Boruto- for Neji."

"Boruto U-"

"Uzumaki," Sasuke cuts in. The Uchiha ability can continue on- but he'd never doom a child to bear that name. To live out the life of tragedy the name brings.

* * *

It's been three hours since Boruto was born and Sasuke still can't bring himself to hold him. He sits by Naruto's bed, instead, watching as the blond bounces the baby and greets everyone who comes to visit.

He keeps his eyes solely on Naruto, never straying far to the black haired infant in his arms that screams and screams.

( _all he can see is the resemblance, now. the whisker marks throw everyone off- but sasuke knows. that nose. that chin. that hair- it's like looking in a mirror._ )

He thought- once he was here- the anxiety and fear he felt would dissipate. Would dry up the first time he looked in his son's eyes and saw him breathe.

So far? It hasn't.

The feeling has only worsened, an anxiety he hasn't felt since he was but a child. His leg shakes on its own accord, bouncing up and down as people filter in. Naruto greets them all like an old friend, even the astonished faces who had no idea.

"Yeah! I'm a guy and I had a baby! I'm that cool, y'know? No biggie."

He grins and Sasuke keeps his face tight, watching the rise and fall of his partner's chest. The way his ribs shake when he laughs. If he keeps his eyes on him he'll be alright. He'll be okay. He'll be-

"Sasuke?"

Shit.

"Hey- Sasuke- you alright?"

He steels himself, fingers digging into the fabric of his pants as he shifts his gaze from the blond's chest to his face, Sasuke's own face shifting to a carefully guarded expression.

"I'm fine, Naruto. Just tired. You should be more worried about yourself."

The words come easy.

( _lying comes easy_.)

Naruto laughs from the bed as the last visitor leaves, a sheepish smile on his face. If he didn't have his own hand full with a baby he'd probably rub the back of his neck, too.

"Heh! You know me! I bounce back quick, y'know! I'm fine!" He grins as if to cement how okay he is. The smile falls quickly, though, the jinchuuriki's face creasing into a half concerned frown.

"-Are you sure you're okay, Sasuke? Not just- I mean- with this. You haven't said anything about him yet or even- y'know- held him. If you're not okay i get it, i totally do, y'know? It's a lot and-"

"Naruto."

no no no.

Panic swells in his chest as he cuts the Uzumaki off, though, he keeps it well hidden behind a carefully crafted expression and tone. He can't have Naruto worrying. Second guessing. This is all Naruto has wanted- a family- he's not going to ruin that.

( _and isn't it what he wanted, once? "i'm going to restore my clan."_ )

Naruto says nothing, though the frown across his face says everything. He clutches the child tighter, head bowing. "I mean it, Sasuke. You don't have to pretend-"

Sasuke rises and carefully, carefully, reaches his one hand out to run through the other's blond locks. His expression is guarded still but, there's a softness there only one or two get to see.

"I'm not pretending."

He takes the child- Boruto- gingerly, still only having one arm, ( _sakura and tsunade have talked about prosthetics- but he doesn't want one. the loss of limb is a reminder_ ), and pulls him close to his chest. He looks down and black eyes meet dark blue. The little thing scrunches his face up, looking at his father, whiskered cheeks puffed out.

A mix of emotions hit him at once, his face heating up and his eyes watering. It's like he's watching someone else as tears drip down his cheeks and land on the child's forehead. Naruto thinks it's joy. Fatherly pride. Relief. Something else.

Sasuke thinks- he-

He had hoped the heavy feeling in his chest would go away once his son was here. Once he held him.

It only gets heavier.


	2. Chapter Two: Sasuke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here's chapter two. moving along, i guess. right now we're still in sasuke's pov but eventually we'll get into different povs. the present tense will change too, eventually. it's being used for these "prologue"/"exposition" type chapters. i swear i'll do explanations of all the pairings/parents of kids, etc, eventually too! 
> 
> anyway. in this chapter sasuke has more issues. continued, i guess. i'm sorry, son.

A year comes and goes before he even realizes what's happened. They move from a little apartment to a house gifted to them by the village. It has all the necessities and then some- the village loves Naruto now. They want to show their appreciation. Want to show how much he means to them.

"There's extra bedrooms," the carpenter says, smiling with a twinkle in his eyes. "For when you decide to grow the family more."

( _his heart clenches and sweat brews underneath his layers of clothes. naruto laughs and waves it off. sasuke stirs on it for weeks. more children. more children. he can't even hold boruto yet without shaking- he can't imagine bringing more into this world when he's too shattered to be a parent._ )

Naruto goes back to taking on mission as Boruto's first birthday passes. They have a large affair at Ino and Sakura's insistence and it's packed full of faces Sasuke can hardly recognize- and their spawn. The Uminos flock in with their brood, Sakura carries the not even six months old Sarada around proudly, Shikamaru's… group brings their own toddler and the newborn.

Sasuke stays towards the back and only emerges when it's time to cut cake and open presents. He's too uncomfortable otherwise- though he does manage to crack a half smile at Naruto trying to get Boruto to rip the gifts open.

With Naruto gone, back to working, Sasuke finds himself left alone with his son far more than he's comfortable. He's not a shinobi of Konoha anymore, ( _and he won't ever be again, even if the village ever trusted him again- he'd never lend himself, his agency, to the village that martyred itachi for its' own purposes_ ), so there's no need to send him off. He's a stay at home dad now, as odd as it feels to say, and he tries to adapt as needed.

He spends a lot of time watching cooking shows, his sharigan blazing, and copying the movements to make failures of lunches for Naruto to take with him.

Boruto starts to walk as the fall stretches into winter. Naruto comes home one day and the toddler rises to his feet on his own, face wide in a toothy grin. "Daddy!"

Naruto cries the rest of the night, holding the tot tight to his chest while the little brunette patted at his cheeks, wondering what was wrong.

Sasuke watches as his son grows before his eyes. Watches his eyes darken to a deep blue, like a sapphire, and his hair darkens more and more until it's black like his own. He watches him talk and walk- turning from an infant Sasuke's scared to hold to a toddler he has to chase around the house to keep from harm. A toddler that grins up at him and says "I wanna be like you, Papa!" and breaks his heart.

( _years ago, long before he learned the truth and the world crushed sasuke and made his new, he would have wanted a son that was just like him. who idolized him. now all he sees is a path that leads to destroying yourself in the toddler's words and he wants something else so, so badly._ )

He loves Naruto too, of course, loves his whisker faced father and throws himself at his legs whenever he walks through the door-

But naruto's filled his head with stories- stories of the good in Sasuke that the Uzumaki believes- knows- must exist.

Boruto thinks the world of his fathers. He wants to be as strong as both of them. He wants to be both of them but, Naruto is there even when he's not. His presence and love is felt in every room of the house, in every breath the child takes.

Sasuke is an enigma, someone who's there all the time but locked away like a treasure waiting to be opened.

It'll only get worse as he gets older, this idolization and desire to win his father's affections.

( _he doesn't know it's there, merely hidden under the boy who's too scared to feel who pretends he's a man._ )

* * *

He's never been a very affectionate man, even with Naruto but, that wasn't to say they weren't intimate at all. They were content with more chaste interactions- both of them with their own sets of issues about sex and close, close intimacy- but on the occasion they did dabble. Boruto was the proof of that.

And, when Boruto was three, they had another form of proof to show to others who doubted them being a couple at all.

Naruto was a month along when they found out, the blond coming home from a mission with a case of assumed flu.

Sakura gave them the news, her voice bright as she laughed about the irony. She and Ino were thinking of having another child, their third, too.

Naruto grinned and took Sasuke's hand. Sasuke tried to smile back.

( _he excused himself to the bathroom at some point, when they were discussing things, and leaned his head against the cold porcelain of the sink. he thought back to sarada- when they didn't know what she would be and the dreams that plagued him- only this time they seemed so much more real. he thought of brothers killing brothers, of a family history being replayed, of children killing each other for power. he thought of all this before his stomach overtook him and he turned to puke into the toilet- it all too much._ )

* * *

The second pregnancy is so much worse than the first.

Karui, of all people, comes over to give Naruto some help. Apparently her own pregnancy was something from hell. She ignores sasuke, ( _bad blood doesn't die away easily_ ), and instead gives the blond tips on how to deal with the morning sickness and aches and pains. She's especially helpful when Naruto's nose starts to bleed- because Sasuke would have panicked. She instead shrugs it off and says "it happens".

Naruto takes time off from the moment they find out about the pregnancy. Boruto is happy to have both his parents are back and takes to the idea of being a big brother especially easily.

"Are you excited, Boruto?"

He's three by now and talking, making friends, growing. He has playdates occasionally with the Harunos and the growing Nara brood.

( _he mentions to sasuke sometimes that he likes shikadai best. "even if she's a girl like chocho and sarada."_ )

"Yeah!" His grin is sharp like Naruto's. It's the only time Sasuke doesn't see himself in the child. "I'm gonna- teach him everything I know! That's a lot!"

"Them," it's the only interjection Sasuke puts into the conversation. "They could be a girl."

He watches his son make a face. "I want a brother. Shika says sisters are- are- t-tro-troublesome!"

Naruto laughs, saying that he'll have to deal with whatever he gets and Sasuke prays, prays they'll have a girl.

* * *

For once, it seems, someone above listens to Sasuke.

Months pass by mostly the same as before with the exception of Naruto being around daily now. He spends most of his time with Boruto or dragging the family to outings despite how sick the pregnancy has made him.

At seven months he decides to leave the house to visit Tsunade. She's back in Konoha for the week or so and he's so excited to see her. Sakura's going too and Naruto begs, begs Sasuke to come with. (" _boruto can stay with temari and chouji today- it'll be fine, y'know! c'mon sasuke, pleease!"_ )

He declines.

It's a decision he regrets later.

By night Naruto hasn't returned. Concern, a rare feeling in Sasuke's stomach, has grown so much by the time he puts Boruto to bed that he actually calls Ino up to see if she's seen Sakura yet. The conversation is awkward and stilted but she confirms that Sakura's still missing too.

He's about to leave to find his Uzumaki himself when a disheveled medic nin appears at the doorstep. Naruto went into early labour and there's been complications-

Sasuke's gone before the medic can even finish what they're saying.

He hasn't used a jutsu since Boruto was born but, body flicker comes easily to him even after the three years. Konoha is a grid in his head, a map to travel, and the hospital is a beacon of chakra for him to focus on.

Sakura notices his arrival before anyone else, rushing out of the maternity ward to keep him back in the hospital.

Tsunade's with him, he's okay he's okay it's just the baby-

( _he would feel guilt for this later, far later_ :)

"I don't care. Take care of Naruto."

He paces for hours afterwards, Boruto forgotten at home, asleep in bed.

( _sakura had the foresight to call sai when she saw sasuke arrive empty handed. he stays with the toddler until his own parents return the next day._ )

It's nearly three am when Tsunade leaves the room, eyes heavy but a smile on her face nonetheless.

"It's a girl."

He doesn't care. It doesn't matter compared to Naruto. If this thing hurt him- if he helped create something that hurt him-

He pushes past Tsunade and Sakura into the room, heart racing.

Naruto's in the bed, pale and clammy, and there's a little a bundle lying on his chest.

He gets close and-

She's beautiful.

( _the prophetic dreams die as he looks at his daughter. there won't be any brothers killing brothers, not anymore._ )

"Wanna hold her?"

And he doesn't, god he doesn't, doesn't want to corrupt this shining, beautiful thing-

But he does anyway.

( _outside tsunade discusses with sakura the rupture and the chakra naruto had to use to help stabilize the babe. if it wasn't for kurama- well, they just have to hope there won't be any side effects._ )


	3. Chapter Three: Sasuke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sasuke's pov chapters for arc 1 were only suppose to be like 3 chapters long but,,,, it looks like he has two more chapters. there's just SO much to get through with him i guess?? he has a lot of stuff that happens. next pov once we finish his chapters will be ino, though, or termari. 
> 
> more of sasuke trying to cope being in konoha when he has a lot of issues with the village. things are starting to come to a head.

They're not able to take the baby home for two weeks. She's little and underdeveloped- even with the natural healing abilities from the chakra Kurama lent her.

( _that is a story in of itself, naruto tells it to sasuke later- explaining how when he went into labour tsunade went right to work- even sterilized her hands with the sake she was drinking earlier._ )

By the time they're allowed to take her home she looks so much healthier. Sasuke marvels at how much she looks like Naruto. Her hair is soft and it might be dark like his own hair and Boruto's- but her eyes are brilliant blue. Her skin is tanned and her smile is wide and bright. She giggles everytime she sees Naruto.

She also doesn't have a name.

They weren't expecting her for two more months, after all and well- they were a little unprepared.

It's going on two months when Ino gets involved.

"Banka?!"

They meet her at the grocery store, the baby in Naruto's arms and Boruto on Sasuke's hip. They had been arguing over names for a while now- Sasuke refuses to let her be named after anyone. This, so far, is the only name they had sort of both liked.

"What's wrong with it?"

Ino looks at Naruto incredulously. Like he's stupid.

"You can't name your baby  **tomato** , Naruto!"

"You named yours salad!"

"It's close to Sakura- it was on purpose!- Y'know what, no. I'm not getting into this. Just- name her something else. I'll tell Sakura to make sure Kakashi won't let you name this poor child 'tomato'."

They think it over after they leave. Two days later they're at Ino and Sakura's, ( _sasuke makes sure to avoid looking at the black eyed toddler who plays with boruto and her blond brother_ ), asking for suggestions. Ino pulls out a book on flowers and smiles brightly.

"Pick a theme."

Hours later they settle on Himawari. Sunflowers. Radiance.

Sasuke takes one look at the little infant- bright and light and so much different than he is- and thinks it fits.

* * *

Boruto makes faces at the little girl when she's first brought home. He doesn't know what to think of her just yet. ( _this nameless, squishy baby that cries and cries at night and keeps him awake._ ) He mostly hovers around when his fathers hold her, standing on his tiptoes to peer up at the bright eyed baby.

"What do you think, Boruto?"

"She's a  **girl**."

Naruto figures he'll need some time to adjust to her, after all, he really wanted a brother.

After she's named he seems more interested, pulling pillows and stools over to her bassinet to stare down at the dark haired babe.

"Himawawi," he'll repeat, watching her. "Himawawi, Himawawi."

When she's five months old they let him hold her. Naruto settles him on the couch and carefully places Himawari on Boruto's lap, telling the toddler how to correctly hold her head up. The infant blinks up at her brother, head tilted, and then bursts into a smile, giggling.

Boruto smiles back.

Sasuke watches from the corner of the room, heart clenching, as the toddler babbles down to his little sister. Naruto seems elated, ecstatic, beyond himself.

Himawari wails when they finally try to take her back, clutching fists at Boruto, and Sasuke has to walk outside, gasping.

( _he thinks of forgotten photo albums, a five year old boy holding a dark haired baby. "you'd scream whenever anyone tried to take you away from itachi, sasuke. even me! can you imagine?" his mother's voice echoes in the back of his head and the former shinobi can only hold onto the wall to keep his knees from buckling._ )

* * *

Times goes on. The children grow. Naruto returns to work- Kakashi's asked him to take on a genin team and the blond seems thrilled at the idea.

Himawari goes from crawling to walking within a matter of months. Before they know it she's talking, chasing after Naruto's genin team when they stop by and making friends just by smiling.

Boruto, ever vigilant, watches her like a hawk. He's with her every step of the way, going from a toddler who trips over his feet and words to a little boy who walks confidently and brags about his family to anyone who can hear.

He's reading books for children already in the academy by the time he's four and a half. Naruto beams with pride when he finds out, laughing about how Shikamaru said he caught Boruto and Shikadai reading an old history textbook of his from when he first joined the academy.

"He's so smart, Sasuke! He's like you!"

Sasuke thinks of himself back when he was four, still toddling after his older brother and begging him to take him everywhere.

He thinks of Itachi when he was four, just a year from becoming a genin, reading and throwing kunai with perfect precision.

"No, he's not like me."

He can't be like any Uchiha. Not here. Not in Konoha. He can't. He can't.

And the anxiety grows and grows.

* * *

He's been in Konoha for years now, and, even after everything, he still can't find himself comfortable in the village. He watches the villagers go by from his house, his fellow rookies for years ago settle down and have children, and Sasuke thinks. He thinks about how his family is dead and ash, scattered on the wind because of Konoha. He watches more elders be placed on the council and thinks of how this village won't change.

What world are they raising their children in? Which child would be martyred for Konoha again in the future?

The Uchiha watches his son and daughter play with Sakura's children, heart heavy, and the anxiety grows.

* * *

The fifth Kazekage visits Konoha on business. His brother comes with and Sasuke isn't oblivious enough to miss how the redhead, ( _sand that swallows everything, gold eyes and power he hasn't' seen before)_ , greets Naruto like an old, old friend.

Gaara's visited before, he keeps in touch with Naruto via phone calls and messenger hawks- but never before has he actually stopped by their house to see the children.

"Let's have dinner!" Naruto says, stars in his eyes, as he shows the children off to the Kazekage. "All of us!"

And Sasuke- god he knows the look on Gaara's face as Naruto talks--- he knows the redhead would do anything Naruto asked. sometimes Sasuke feels the same way.

( _it's like looking at the sun when you've lived in the dark all of your life. you can't get enough. you never want to be without it's warmth ever again._ )

All of us, as it turns out, means the entire Konoha twelve plus Sai and significant others. They all meet at a restaurant Gaara suggests, some odd teppanyaki place, and pile into a private room. The children are left at home, for once, babysitters found, and Sasuke sits squished between Naruto and Sakura. The conversation is loud and joyous, the group all reminiscing, and Sasuke feels like a fish out of water.

He wasn't there for that, or that--- or anything they're remembering, honestly.

Drinks come at some point, sent over by one special jounin who's on a date with the daughter of the owner, ( _anko mitarashi- sasuke makes a point to not look at her. ends to a mean, best to try and not dwell on it now_ ), and the group becomes louder and louder.

He adds little to the conversation, only occasionally adding something when Naruto or Sakura nudges him sharply with their elbows. Ino calls him into the conversation sometimes but, beyond that, no one else acknowledges him much.

Until Gaara makes a comment about how lovely Konoha is. How it feels like a home away from home, safe and inviting, ( _eyes on naruto_ ), on how proud he is to have an alliance with such a place.

Sasuke can't help it. He's had a drink or two and he scoffs, eyes rolling as he downs another.

Kankuro, situated between Gaara and Temari, eyes Sasuke hard. "Got something to say, Uchiha?"

( _he's thinking he has to defend his brother, something he'll do without second thought no matter how old he gets._ )

Sasuke stiffens a moment. Sakura's murmuring something, looking at him, but he keeps his eye on his food.

"W _ell_?"

"Kankuro-"

"Just doesn't seem much to be proud of."

It's out before he can stop himself. All around him he can feel the tension rising, shinobi who fought for this village, had family die for this village- they're angry or offended. Sasuke doesn't look up, not even as Naruto starts murmuring to him and Kiba throws his drink down.

"The hell is that suppose to mean?!"

"Kiba- please-" Hinata's grabbing his shoulder, eyes wide, and Naruto's looking at Sasuke, at a loss for words.

Sasuke grips his glass tightly, blood singing with sake, and breathes deep. "This entire place is built on lies and the blood of innocents, is all. And nothing's changed. Still forcing kids to- to learn to kill before they're grown and those elders that helped kill my entire family off are still living and my brother-" His one hand is close to shattering his glass, eyes swirling red before he realizes it.

"My brother-" He's choking on his own words, everyone around him has gone shock still, and his vision is spinning and god what is he doing Itachi loved Konoha and he was good and good but he can be wrong about some things- he can be wrong- there are people here worth it but not the village itself not the village-

"My-"

"Sasuke! come on, man, let's go, okay? Let's get some air."

Naruto's hand is on his elbow, pulling him up and out of the room before anyone can stop him.

They leave a quiet room behind them, everyone's eyes wide, conversation dead in the water.

Sasuke kicks trashcans over outside, Sharigan blazing for the world to see, eyes rimmed red and Naruto yells back when the raven haired Uchiha screams and screams.

(" _our friends, sasuke!" "your friends! your friends! no one cares about me except you, naruto! no one cares about what happened except- except you! no one-" "sasuke, please-"_ )

( _he wants to run away. he wants to- he doesn't know what he wants to do anymore. doesn't know what he needs to do. he lives with the burning, crushing feeling in his chest. swallows back his words. he lives. that's all he can do._ )

The anxiety grows.


	4. Chapter Four: Sasuke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are looking up for sasuke! haha that's a lie. we're actually drawing close to the end of the sasuke pov portion of this arc soon, too. two more chapters after this one. thursday i'll update again with one or two chapters. then sunday or saturday we'll have a temari or ino pov chapter. they're gonna be (hopefully) much shorter than sasuke's, though.
> 
> here's for fun, all the kids mentioned in the fic so far: boruto and himawari uzumaki (sasunaru); sarada haruno (inosaku; sasuke as donor); inojin & fujiko yamanka (inosaku; sai as donor); shikadai nara (shikatema/shikatemachokarui); chocho akamichi (chokarui/shikatemachokarui); and the newest kakagai kid yuu maito-hatake.
> 
> shikadai and chocho have two unmentioned twin siblings already so we'll include them too: asuka and shou nara.

Sasuke finds himself alone more and more in the coming weeks. It's not as if he was the most sought after man in Konoha, far from it but, even Sakura and Ino's regular visits and calls stop for a while. He's certain he's offended enough of Naruto's friends to never be invited to anything again. Not that he cares. Everything he said was the truth.

Still. With Naruto gone training his genin team during the day and the children off on playdates- Sasuke finds himself stuck alone with his thoughts.

It's never a good thing.

He tries to pass the time doing chores. Cleaning the house. Making food. It doesn't last long, however, and in the end Sasuke finds himself with still too much time on his hand.

He picks up his sword, instead, and stands in the back garden practicing from early afternoon until the sun begins to dwindle.

And it works. It keeps his mind at bay, the anxiety at bay, and his skills still sharp. If he pushes everything aside to work he's not as lonely, in the end, not as tormented. He doesn't think.

He doesn't feel.

* * *

His days go like this now:

He wakes up before Naruto. He showers and then wakes the blond up, if Naruto doesn't wake up on his own before then, and then goes downstairs to try and make breakfast and pack lunches. Practice has made him better at cooking with one hand- so sometimes he can actually make rice. Usually, though, breakfast is cereal and the bento lunches are sandwiches. Naruto comes downstairs by that point, Himawari in his arms, and Boruto trailing behind. They eat and then get the kids dressed. they leave at the same time. Sasuke off to drop the children off with whoever they have playdates with- Naruto to train with his genin team.

Sasuke comes home. He pitters around for a little bit before giving in and going outside. He practices with his sword. He practices. He practices. He practices. Naruto comes home when it's starting to turn dark, Boruto on his shoulders and Himawari on his hip. He drags Sasuke in and they discuss dinner. Most of the time they eat outside the house. Boruto likes hamburgers now- some fast food stall has opened up in Konoha and now it's all the toddler wants. They eat.

After dinner the children get a bath before changing into pajamas and going to bed. Himawari begs for a story most of the time, pleading with big wide eyes. She's into princesses and priestess currently. Naruto can never say no to her so Sasuke puts Boruto to bed. Sometimes he asks for stories, usually of naruto and sasuke's genin hood, and Sasuke sputters- talking about missions or making things up until he falls asleep.

He and Naruto stay up another few hours until they both go to bed.

Sasuke keeps busy. He tries to not think.

He has to keep busy.

* * *

"Hey. You alright?"

they're in bed when naruto asks. sasuke's got a book open, ( _journey to the west- something like that_ ), nAruto's head against his chest and- well. No he's not. Anytime he lets his brain rest for a moment, stops working, stops reading, he can feel anger and panic blindly building up behind his eyes. He should be fine. He has children, healthy children, he has Naruto- that's all he needs, isn't it?

But then he sees the Hokage mountain. Sees the academy let out.

And he's not fine.

"Mmm. I'm alright, Naruto."

The blond watches him through half lidded eyes, carefully, and sighs. He slinks his dark fingers up between Sasuke's pale ones and closes his eyes.

"No you're not."

Sasuke doesn't answer.

* * *

Sakura stops by the next day with her two tagalongs. She sits with Sasuke while the kids run around the back garden, playing, and talks while Sasuke listens. She goes on and on about nothing, smile tense, and Sasuke knows, knows, Naruto mentioned something to her.

"Sorry i haven't called," she says after the kids have eaten lunch, when they've moved inside and Himawari has fallen asleep in her lap.

( _boruto is squealing, slapping crayons across a paper, while the other two carry on quietly._ )

Sasuke shrugs, a wordless reply and Sakura frowns.

"---I know you don't like it here--- We should be more sensitive---"

Sasuke frowns, a cold feeling in his chest, and stops her short.

"It's fine."

* * *

Naruto comes home a week later with a wall scroll in his arms. He sets it up in the entry way, face beaming, as he proudly shows it off to Sasuke. It's a large painting of the Uchiha fan- with the Uzumaki spiral intertwined in the center of the fan.

"I drew it!" He grins and leans against the raven haired man, one good arm slung across his shoulder. "Sai just made it look professional- It's for us! The kids can wear it on their clothes when they start the academy, y'know?! What do you think?"

The academy.

The academy.

"Sasuke?"

"They're not Uchihas, Naruto."

He scoffs.

"Course not! They're Uchiha-Uzumakis!"

And Naruto  believes in the best of people, he does, he'd never understand why Sasuke would fear anyone bearing the Uchiha crest or name in Konoha again- even if it's where his ancestors had wanted to be.

"Of course."

* * *

Ino calls a month later, as if she hadn't stopped speaking to him for a while, and calmly discusses the latest gossip like Sasuke cares about it. She discusses Gai and Kakashi finding another kid to take in, how there are rumors about making Sakura the official head medical ninja, and how she's never having another child- Fujiko was the last one thank you- and then politely asks Sasuke when Boruto will be starting the academy.

"Shikamaru is holding Shikadai back a year so she can be on the same team as Inojin and Chouchou--- I was just wondering if you were going to go ahead and start Boruto or not?"

"What?"

"Have you and naruto not discussed it?  _Really_ , Sasuke?! He'll be five in two months, won't he? That's in time for the next school year!"

"...We haven't discussed it."

Sasuke can feel it. The panic. It's rising in his chest and all he can think about is Boruto starting the academy.

( _boruto who's too much like him. boruto who's smart and capable and good, untainted. who the academy will ruin. ruin like they ruined itachi. brainwash him. kill him. they'll kill him. they'll ruin him. they'll-_ )

"Sasuke?"

"I'll let you know what we decide, Ino."

"Hmph. alright. You should come by tomorrow. I haven't been able to get out since I had Fujiko and this boredom is  _killing_ me---"

"Alright."

He paces back and forth in the entryway as he waits for Naruto to get home. The sun's half down when the door opens, Boruto rushing in to hug Sasuke's legs while Himawari sleeps with her face pressed against Naruto's shoulder. Naruto's filthy, covered in dirt and mud, and Boruto's just as gross- but Sasuke can hardly notice. He presses his hand against Boruto's back, feels his heartbeat, sees the smile that's all Naruto- and the panic rises.

"Hey!" Naruto's grinning as he walks in, before he notices, before he sees the look on Sasuke's face and the fact the house is dark and he's been standing in the dark for who knows how long---

"Sasuke? What's wrong?"

Sasuke's chest heaves, his hand pressing harder against Boruto's back and the dark haired toddler whimpers, able to tell something is wrong.

"Papa?"

Naruto's putting Himawari down on the couch, the girl groggily waking up, and he wastes no time gently prying Sasuke from Boruto, sending the boy to take his sister upstairs. "We'll be up soon, promise! Then dinner, okay?"

"Daddy?"

"Promise, Boruto, alright? Watch Hima for Papa and Daddy, alright? We'll be right up."

They wait until Boruto's up the stairs before naruto turns to Sasuke, still pale faced, and takes his hand.

Sasuke breathes, grounding himself, and leans into the blond's touch as the Uzumaki pulls him close.

"Sasuke? What's wrong?"

He breathes.

"Sasuke?"

"I don't want him to go to the academy."

There's a pause.

"What? Sasuke- he's gotta go to school!"

He breathes. He breathes. He breathes.

"Sasuke--- Sasuke woah, calm down---"

"He's too young--- I don't--- They'll teach him how to kill. How to be like  _me_ , Naruto. Idiot--- He can't---"

Sasuke's words are cut off as Naruto pulls him into a tight, tight hug. His eyes feel hot, his breathing is harsh and--- god. Why didn't anyone else see it?

He deserved to be a child. Boruto and Himawari both. They deserved so much better than their heritage had predestined them for.

"Sasuke--- You're good. There's nothing wrong with him being like you--- We'll wait a year, okay? Start him with Shikadai and Sarada--- I'll talk to Iruka and Kakashi about the academy--- Maybe they can wait to teach ninja stuff until they're older--- We'll figure it out, okay?"

He breathes.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

The children sleep with them that night, after they decided everything. Naruto sleeps with his hand holding Sasuke's, Boruto and Himawari between them, and Sasuke tries, tries to feel okay. Anything but the wrong and bad he feels inside. Naruto never lies. He'll try to fix things.

He was right about Sasuke not being able to teach Boruto, anyway. Sometimes it was hard to just look at his son without feeling awful, without seeing the burden of being in Konoha, without seeing himself in him.

The next day naruto skips training with his genin team and instead opts to talk to Kakashi and Iruka--- True to his word always.

And Sasuke? Sasuke goes to Ino and Sakura's and tries, tries, to be okay.

( _but you can only bottle and pretend so much before everything explodes._ )


	5. Chapter Five: Sasuke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and things get worse. honestly, they're gonna get really bad before they get better? the next chapter is the last pov of sasuke's for this arc but he'll definitely be showing up again just not as the pov. anyway. i'm sorry. I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS AND HURTING SASUKE BUT. w/e here it is.
> 
> kids mentioned vaguely in this chapter: ryousuke, yamato's adopted son. shinobu and meiji maito-hatake, kakashi and gai's other two adopted kids.

The days pass on.

Boruto turns five.

They have a big party, again, the biggest since his first birthday. They hang streamers up in the back garden and Sasuke even tries to bake a cake for the occasion. Naruto fetches a camcorder, some clunky thing he bought from an old store, and records the entire event. Sakura brings a camera and takes normal pictures, clucking her tongue at Naruto as he runs around like a child.

And there are plenty of children there.

It seems everywhere he goes the Uchiha is running into a toddler or child. Shikamaru and co clearly have the most but, if Ino's latest gossip is true, ( _and it looks like it is_ ), then Gai and Kakashi are close to catching up with their three. ( _naruto talks about how gai wants to adopt every orphan he comes across. lee and tenten, both orphans themselves, are the same way_.) And well- if that wood user is really with them- then they are caught up.

( _ino gossips about yamato sometimes, the mysterious former anbu who showed back up in the village one day with a child. she gossips about if he's with kakashi and gai or not, "like shikamaru and all of them, you know?" and sometimes sakura even joins in. sasuke just listens._ )

Sasuke, like usual, attempts to stick to the back of the garden. He watches the scenes unfold from afar, nodding to the camera only when Naruto or Sakura gesture.

The children play games, even the older surly looking ones, and then Sasuke is dragged up front by Naruto to help Boruto open presents.

"I have one arm. I don't know how much help I'll be-"

"Sasuke please! We've all seen you with that sword by now! Not good with one arm my ass!" Ino calls out from the crowd, Sakura blanching while Naruto cackles. "Ino! Children!"

( _some in the crowd go pale, a sign that no, they haven't seen sasuke with his sword yet._ )

Resigned to his fate Sasuke crouches and hands gifts to his now five year old son to rip open. Boruto oohs and awes with each gift.

For the most part Sasuke barely registers the gifts as they're opened. Clothes. Books. Toys. Nothing special until-

"Your first kunai set!" Tenten's voice is full of pride as Boruto yells happily, hoisting the kunai up and showing them off.

"Now I can be a real ninja!" he says, "just like you and Daddy, Papa!"

Sasuke can't hear, everything goes cold and silent, his heart stopping in his chest.

Just like you!

He's going to be sick.

He's going to be sick.

He's going to-

"Papa?"

Someone's reaching over to take the gift, put it with the others, while Boruto stares up at him.

He feels bile in the back of his throat.

Just like you.

"Papa?"

Sasuke breathes.

( _just like you. just like you. just like you._ )

"Let's open your next one, Boruto."

* * *

He waits until the presents are done and the cake's been cut to break away. He excuses himself with a murmur of a sick stomach and stumbles inside the house. The moment the back door closes the former shinobi finds himself sliding against the wall, down down down until he's on the floor, face pale and breathing laboured.

He counts.

One.

( _his father giving him his first kunai for a birthday._ )

Two.

( _watching his brother to learn how to throw._ )

Three.

( _i want to be like you, dad. i want to be like you, itachi._ )

Four.

( _just like you, papa._ )

Five.

( _boruto. innocent. smiling._ )

Six.

( _boruto, sapphire blue eyes, smiling, dissolving into a younger version of himself- crying._ )

Seven.

( _itachi crying in front of him. itachi killing his family for konoha._ )

Eight.

( _itachi. konoha. itachi. konoha. itachi. itachi- boruto turning into itachi, worse, boruto turning into himself. even worse. even worse._ )

Nine.

Sasuke shoves himself off the floor and stumbles upstairs into his bedroom, collapsing on the bed with a breathless gasp.

He closes his eyes and bites down on his lip until the blood pours down his chin.

Ten.

* * *

A week goes by, then a month. At some point Sasuke loses track of them all. He can feel his strength ebbing away with every new day. He wakes up a little less motivated to get up, a little worse. He goes through the motions. He lives- even if it doesn't feel like really living sometimes.

Today he wakes up in a fog, emotions he can't name swirling inside like a whirlwind, his missing arm hurting and his head begging to stay in bed longer.

Go back to sleep some part of him says.

He looks at Naruto from the corner of his eye, still asleep, and closes his eyes.

He lays in bed until Boruto is awake and shaking the both of them.

"Papa! Daddy! You slept through your alarm! C'mooon!"

He stays in bed a little longer even after this- rolling over and squeezing his eyes shut tight.

Naruto's the one who actually gets him up, later, the blond putting a hand on the Uchiha's forehead to feel his temperature. Just in case.

"Sasuke? You need me to stay home with the kids today?"

No playdates today. Just him and the kids.

Hsqueezes his eyes tighter.

"I can call Kakashi and postpone our meeting, y'know? I can stay here, you can rest-"

There have been talks about Kakashi retiring soon. Naruto's been meeting with him more and more- he can't set him back. Not over this.

He sits up.

"No, Naruto- I'm alright. Go meet with Kakashi. I can handle them today."

"You sure? Sasuke- I swear I can stay-"

He avoids looking at Naruto, the blond's worried gaze, and instead throws the blankets off as he gets off the bed.

"Go, Naruto."

He doesn't shower that morning, Naruto already running late, and instead merely changes. Downstairs the children are already eating cereal and Naruto hugs them both tight before leaving.

"Call me and I'll come running home, okay? Promise."

Sasuke closes the door behind him and sits down at the table. He puts his head in his hand and closes his eyes.

* * *

"It's mine, Himawari! You can't have them!"

"Nooo! It's mine! Mine!"

He's on the couch in the den, head lolled back against the cushions, as the two youngsters scream from somewhere behind him. They've been fighting for a while now and normally, normally he would have stopped it by now but- today he can't. He doesn't have it in him to separate them. He just wants to go back to bed. Wants to sleep until he feels something beyond what he's feeling now.

He just wants to go back to bed.

"Himawari!"

"Papa! PAPA!"

Sasuke groans and peels his eyes open. It takes everything in him to move his head from the back of the couch and turn it to glare towards the voices behind him. He can vaguely see Boruto and Himawari tugging a stuffed cat between them. Irritation flares to life in the back of Sasuke's head.

"Boruto! Give it to your sister- now. Find something else to play with."

The boy drops the cat, pouting, and Sasuke sighs. He turns back to staring at the turned off tv, eyes drooping close as the time passes.

Behind him Himawari babbles to the toy. The house quiets.

He drifts off.

* * *

He wakes up to yelling.

"I got it! Haha! Himawari, did you see that?"

There's squealing and clapping followed by Boruto's laughter.

"Borubro! Good! Good job!"

The voices waft in through the open back door, clearly from the garden. Sasuke's mind adjusts slowly, still half asleep, still in a fog, when he hears it:

The sound of metal slicing through the air. The thunk of something embedding into something else-

The hair on Sasuke's arm raises as he stands up, rushing outside, Sharigan coming to life, eyes wild and breath frantic. His mind rushes. They're under attack. They're under attack. They're-

"Papa!"

Boruto stands in the back garden, holding the kunai from his birthday gift. Himawari stands next to him holding the rest. In front of them sits the cat toy from earlier, they've sat it up on a stool and there's kunai littering the ground next to it. One sticks out from the leg of the stool. Another is pushed deep in the stuffed toy's head. Cotton and fabric drip from it like a warped picture of gore.

Sasuke's mouth goes dry.

"Papa! Look! I can throw them! I taught myself!"

The whiskers on his face bunch up as he smiles, bright and blinding, like Naruto.

But Sasuke doesn't see Naruto.

Not this time.

"What are you  _doing_?!" He's wrenching Boruto's arm up before he can stop himself, anger and worry awash on his face. "These aren't for playing! You could have hurt yourself- or your sister!"

Himawari's dropped the kunai by now, stumbling back with wide eyes while her older brother stutters. His little tan hands grip the kunai tighter as he squeezes his eyes shut, tears brimming them.

"I- I wasn't playing Papa! I was training! So I can be a ninja like you and Daddy!"

He doesn't think. He can't think. Not now. He can't see the horror in his son's face, how his daughter is pulling at his pant legs.

"No, Boruto. You can't be like me!"

The kunai drops from the five year old's hand. Tears drip down his face and he chokes a sob back, eyes wide.

Sasuke lets him go. He steps back.

Boruto runs inside, crying. Himawari runs after him.

Nausea and guilt hits Sasuke all at once. The Uchiha stumbles inside to the phone. He doesn't hesitate before dialing the number to Kakashi's office. He yells for his former sensei to put Naruto on the phone.

"Come home. Please."

Naruto's on his way before Sasuke hangs up, he knows it.

He walks out the front door, down the street until he's in a familiar district. It's been destroyed by war and time but it's still here.

Sasuke falls to his knees in the old Uchiha district, dry heaving from the guilt of it all.

His limbs shake, his chest screams for air he can't quite get to his lungs, and his mind moves too fast for him to focus on anything but what he's done.

He tries to count.

( _one. two._ )


	6. Chapter Six: Sasuke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last pov of sasuke's for this arc. he'll return as a pov in the next??? arc??? at least one pov chapter every arc with sasuke.

The hours tick by. Sasuke sits forlorn on his old family dock, staring across the silent lake, until the daylight stretches into night. He knows, in the back of his mind, he needs to go home. He knows naruto must be panicking, worried sick, because he called him and then he  _left_ but-

Guilt eats him up and Sasuke stays put for a while instead.

Eventually he does rise to his feet and leaves. He walks through the district one last time, staring at the empty place. What once was like a ghost town has been cleared away to emptiness now. No more buildings since pein's attack on the village years ago. Konoha cleared the rubble away but left the district empty.

It's still like an open wound for Sasuke, a sore that won't heal whenever he's here.

What would they think of him now?

( _would have any of them approved of him? he knows itachi wouldn't now but, it was something he was starting to accept._ )

It's dark by the time he makes it home and stands outside the door for a while before creaking it open. The entryway is lit up but, the rest of the house is dark. It's quiet inside and Sasuke feels his heart throb.

He fucked up. He's fucked up worse than ever before and he knows it.

How could he expect to try and be a parent when he's the way he is? How could he even try to pretend?

He's still standing in the doorway when Naruto finally appears on the stairs, rushing towards him.

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke closes the door. He breathes in.

"What the  _hell_?" The anger in Naruto's voice is deserved. He screwed up. The uchiha breathes, shifting his gaze to Naruto and takes it.

"You call me and I get home and you're  _gone_ and Boruto and Himawari were crying- Boruto won't stop  **apologizing** -"

"I fucked up."

The blond blinks a moment, taken aback, before scowling.

"Yeah, you did! I was scared when i got home, Sasuke!"

Sasuke breathes.

"What happened? What was  _ **wrong**_?"

Naruto moves his arm wildly, still talking, still angry and Sasuke can feel the storm inside him grow and grow. Threatening to burst.

( _one. two._ )

"Sasuke?!"

"Everything."

It's half muttered so it's no shock that Naruto has to lean forward, face turning questioning.

"What?"

"Everything!" It's out before he can stop himself. Built up emotions bubbling over, out of his mouth. "Everything was wrong-  _is_ wrong, Naruto!" He throws his hand up to his hair, dragging the fingers through his ragged locks.

He can feel his breathing harshen, a gasp escaping from his chest, and his mind rushes too fast to keep up.

"I can't keep doing this," he laments after a moment, eyes wet. "I can't do this. It's going to kill me."

He can't see naruto, Sasuke's own eyes closed tight but, he can feel when the man steps up to gingerly touch him. Sasuke steps back, wrenching away from the touch. He knows it's going to hurt Naruto. Rejection. But he can't- he doesn't want to be touched right now.

He can't be touched right now.

"What are you talking about, Sasuke?"

He gasps again, half choked in his throat, and drops his hand from his hair. Strands fall with it as they're pulled from the root.

"This!" He gestures to the room. To everything. Everything.

"The house?"

"Yes! It! Everything!  _ **K** **onoha**_! This damn village- It's going to kill me. It's going to kill all of us."

"I'm going to fix things, Sasuke. I told you-"

"You can't fix the  _past_ , Naruto!" He can't catch his breath. He can't breathe. "You can't fix what it did to Itachi- to me- to my family- You can't fix me!"

He stops, tongue heavy in his mouth, and swallows. His chest heaves.

"You can't fix me. I just see them. All the time. I just-"

He looks up now. Naruto looks horrified, hurt, angry across from him.

"All I see is Boruto turning into me or Itachi. I screamed at him tonight. I  _hurt_ him. I can't do this naruto. I'm not a parent- I'm not-"

An uneasy, sick feeling fills up his stomach as he looks at Naruto. His blue eyes wobble, tears spilling over them down his cheeks.

He made Naruto cry. Again.

"Why didn't you tell me you weren't happy, Sasuke?"

Guilt hits him in the chest.

"How long have you been pretending?! Why didn't you-"

"I-" Sasuke swallows. His voice is lost again, words gone.

"Have you been doing this just for me? Did you even- did you even want to be here?!"

He doesn't know. He doesn't know.

"I love you, Naruto. I- You being happy and getting what you deserved was more important-"

"Like hell it was!" Naruto's screaming now, eyes wild and tears running down his face. "You have to be happy too- I wanted us to be happy together, Sasuke!"

The blond swallows, laughing shakily and bitterly, sobs escaping him. "I wanted us to be happy. I wanted you to be happy with me. But you're not. You're not happy here."

"I'm sorry."

Naruto sobs again and moves to wipe his eyes with his sleeve. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't notice. I should have-" He stops short as a look crosses his face. "-You want to leave, don't you?"

Sasuke doesn't answer.

"How long?"

He doesn't answer.

"God damn it, Sasuke. Did you even want them- our kids?"

He answers here. "Boruto and Himawari mean everything to me- but I'm not- I'm not- I'm not good for them-"

He closes his eyes as Naruto swallows hard. He can feel him grabbing his shoulder now and, this time, he doesn't shrug him off.

"If you're not happy here, Sasuke- if you'll be happier somewhere else- you can go. Don't stay for me, you idiot. I want you here when you're happy- when you're okay."

Sasuke swallows, eyes wetting. He doesn't reject his best friend's hug as his own shoulders shake as he breaks down into sobs, chin burrowing onto the blonde's shoulder.

He fucked up.

He fucked up so bad.

* * *

It''s late. The kids are already fast asleep so Sasuke moves quietly as so to not wake them. He stops by Himawari's room first. She's asleep, curled up with her toy panda, eyes shut tight, and Sasuke breathes in the peace she gives off.

She's alive. She's safe. She's good.

He wants her to stay that way.

After lingering in Himawari's room, touching her hair for a moment, Sasuke leaves.

Boruto's room is next.

He steps into the room, moon shining through the window, giving it a soft light, and takes it all in. Toys are scattered across the floor, drawings taped up to the walls alongside picture frames of Boruto and his family. Boruto and Shikadai.

Sasuke walks forward tentatively towards the bed where the dark haired child is wrapped up in a thick blanket. His hand hovers near the soft, baby lock when- suddenly- the child stirs beneath his covers.

Boruto's eyes blink awake, still red from tears shed earlier, and he stares up at his father.

"Papa?"

Sasuke has to remember how to breathe.

"Go back to sleep, Boruto."

"Papa- Papa you came back- I'm sorry Papa I didn't mean to make you mad I'm sorry-"

( _one. two._ )

"Boruto- it's alright."

The child sniffs, sitting up, and reaches up to grab his father's hand, hugging it close.

"Will you tell me a story, Papa? Please?"

It's killing him. Being here. Watching him.

Sasuke breathes and pulls his hand back, gently poking the boy's head to push him back down.

( _he won't realize what he's done until he's outside of konoha. and he'll regret it. he'll regret so much._ )

"Later, Boruto."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HONESTLY IT'LL GET BETTER HE'LL COME BACK IM SO SORRY OMFG


	7. Chapter Seven: Temari

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here's temari's pov chapter!! dont worry sasuke will be back at some point,,, but for now setting the scene and everything for the kids with their parents povs. temari here. shes fun. shes my queen. also fyi: she and shikamaru and chouji are in a polycule.

They're at a table, all three of them, food spread out in front of them, boys across from her, when she broaches the topic.

"I think we should get married."

In retrospect, looking back, there were probably plenty of ways to do this more gracefully. Gently. But Temari was not raised to be gentle, only to be graceful in battle, and so here? Here she comes out and says it outright.

Shikamaru, directly across from her, chokes on his rice while Chouji goes slack jawed, eyes wide. "What?!  _What_?" The Nara's astonishment isn't too unexpected- it is kind of out of the blue and Temari had made it plain before she had no interest in marriage. Not this young. Not when she had her career and life ahead of her.

But plans change.

"All three of us? Is that legal?" Chouji pipes up, sheepish and wide eyed. Temari snorts, waving her hand dismissively in response. "No. Just me and the Nara. I think it's more needed in this situation."

Shikamaru, as smart as he is, still hasn't seemed to catch on, brows furrowed. "Why?" He states plainly again, staring at her hard. Trying to gauge her.

"Well. I just thought it would be a good step to saving grace- seeing as I'm pregnant and all."

" _WHAT_?!"

* * *

She first noticed the issue several weeks ago. Her period was late- which wasn't too unusual with how active she was and the birth control she was on. Sometimes she'd only get spotting or it'd be late by a week or two. The fatigue she felt, as well, was no issue. She had just returned from Konoha and had been on several country border patrols since her return.

The concern however, came when the next month passed again without her monthly period- and how her fatigue hadn't fixed itself with time. She had been aching more as well, tender in her chest and abdomen- something that hadn't happened since she was fifteen and still developing into her body.

She wasn't an idiot. She knew her body and knew this wasn't normal- and she wasn't naive enough to believe that birth control always worked a hundred percent of the time. She could have lost track of time- missed a pill she should have taken- taken a chakra pill that erased its affects- anything.

She waited another week, just to see if it was a bug, but when the nausea began to hit her- she knew.

An appointment at the suna hospital, armed with a terse glare and promises from the staff not to breathe a word, only confirmed it for her.

There was another Nara on the way.

Wonderful.

* * *

She had weighed her options after that. There was no reason she had to stay pregnant after all, or keep the baby after it was born- and for a while that was the main option she looked at. Ending the pregnancy before anyone else found out. In the end, though, a nagging voice in the back of her head about how good her boys would be with children stayed her hand. True she hadn't ever imagined herself with children- but that had mostly been because of the way she was raised. How the world was. Suna and Konoha were different now- she could almost imagine herself raising a stable child in them now.

An almost image that was going to be reality six to seven months, once she made up her mind.

* * *

What came next was more planning. Citizens in Suna were rarely married, ( _it became more common as more and more foreigners moved into the village_ ), and it was even rarer for a Suna born citizen to have a family name. Most had titles instead- a moniker a shinobi could earn and then would pass on to their children once they died. This was how everyone traced their family lines as well. They had no clans of normal means, like in the other hidden villages. ( _the only exception was her family. the kazekage clan was a means to an ends, back when suna was first formed, a clan of male inheritance and importance so the other hidden villages would take them seriously. rumors still persisted of the first kazekage having actually been a woman, disguised, so the village would be recognized as something to be respected._ )

All of this meant Temari wouldn't be judged for being unwed and pregnant. In fact the Suna Council would most likely prefer it that way so, in case she had a son, the Kazekage clan line would stay pure without outside interference. Marriage meant some other clan or village had a claim to a potential future Kazekage.

Yes, Suna would prefer she remained unmarried.

Konoha, on the other hand…

Shikamaru, ( _and she knew he was the father. the times she and chouji had sex were few and far between._ ), was the head of the Nara clan. He had enemies in his own clan council and the village council- elders who disliked someone so young with different ideas than their own being the assistant to the Hokage and head. Rising through ranks so quickly and easily.

If word got out he had a child unmarried- they'd use it against him, she was sure. That or they'd force him to marry her anyway and claim the kid. ( _not letting him not know was out of the picture now- and so was raising the child as if they didn't have any fathers in konoha. temari knew what it was like to grow up with only one parent- always missing and longing for the other- she wouldn't let her child go through that._ )

And if Konoha put pressure on Suna to make Temari marry him- Suna's council would have a fit. If they got married by their own choice, however, before anyone knew about the pregnancy-

The council of Suna would still be upset but, not as much as they would with willingly allowing a potential Kazekage heir being sent to the claim of another village and clan. And Shikamaru's clan wouldn't feel disgraced by a scandal-

She was nearly three months along, with another trip to Konoha in a week, when she made up her mind.

She and Shikamaru would just have to get married.

* * *

She set off for Konoha again, on her own a week later. There was an United Shinobi meeting again- the official reason for the visit- and Temari was the Suna representative. She didn't let Gaara or Kankuro know, in the end, if only because she knew her brothers. Gaara would worry- he'd refuse to let her leave without several guards- or at all- and that would let everyone know something was up.

And Kankuro would want to kill Shikamaru- or at least maim him a little. Temari couldn't have that yet so, she kept her mouth shut about the pregnancy.

And the marriage idea? That would go over even worse.

* * *

And that's what brought her to here, at this restaurant a day or two after the meeting, having dinner with her two boys. She had been attempting to drop hints all day- and clearly by Chouji's expression he had caught on some- but Shikamaru, the genius he was, hadn't seemed to pick up on them.

"You know. What happens when two people fuck-"

The Nara blanched, swallowing, before shaking the shock off his face. The sweat on the corners of his face, beading up, were the only signs he had been half choking earlier.

"God, I got it, Temari."

She put her drink down, eyeing the two, as Shikamaru seemed to think things over. She knew he'd come to the same conclusion she did.

"You've thought this over?'

"What do you take me for, Nara?"

He sighed.

"I guess we're getting married then."

Chouji smiled, leaning against Shikamaru, bright and sweet. "You're gonna be a parent, Shikamaru!"

Temari corrected: "We're  _all_ going to be parents."

There wasn't anyway she was leaving either one of her two boys behind.


	8. Chapter Eight: Temari

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chapter involving temari's pov! just to clarify, since i didn't last time, this takes place two years before sasuke's pov started.

Apparently deciding to get married was easier than actually getting married. Shikamaru had to inform his clan, they had to decide a day ( _it was unanimously decided the sooner the better_ ), plan the ordeal and, Temari- Temari had to tell her brothers. Easier said than done honestly.

But it was fine. There were plenty of other things to figure out. Dual citizenship, for one thing, which was a new option for citizens of Suna and Konoha, ( _their alliance was the longest of all of the two villages current alliances_ ). Because Temari loved Shikamaru, loved Chouji, knew marriage was her best option- but she'd never forsake Suna to deny her citizenship and become a citizen of another village. Suna was her home, her birthright. It was apart of her as much as the sand was apart of the desert.

Her official standing after the baby was another thing to figure out too. She didn't plan on stopping her work just because she was a mother- but living between Konoha and Suna both meant she wouldn't be able to be Gaara's constant bodyguard anymore. ( _a thought that upset her more than she wanted to dwell on._ ) She could continue to be a liaison between Suna and Konoha- move between both villages like she did now- and the baby could come with or Shikamaru could watch it. There. Simple.

Of course- she had no idea what Shikamaru and Chouji thought about this but, that didn't matter. She was the one giving up things here, wasn't she?

Besides. She knew he had been thinking this over since she told him. He had to know she'd never fully give Suna or her work up by now.

( _she had considered it for a moment. but the thought of staying home, just a wife, just a mother- it wasn't her. she didn't know how to be anything but a kunoichi- going from that to nothing would kill her._ )

* * *

She had requested extra time in Konoha but, still, it was used up before she realized it. She knew, without a doubt, that her brothers would know something was up if she didn't return home on time. ( _she'd be lucky if they didn't send a search party after her._ ) That meant she had to return home and finally face them. Tell them.

She wasn't looking forward to their reactions.

She left Shikamaru and Chouji with finding a venue- coordinating that sort of thing with a promise of an official date as soon as she spoke to her brothers. ( _planning social events wasn't a thing she enjoyed- nor did she want to enjoy. if she could have her way they'd merely have kakashi and gaara officiate things, sign papers, and it'd all be done and over with. unfortunately this wasn't the case though, temari was the daughter of a kazekage, sister to another. she was nobility born and raised. this, like every important event in her life, would have to be traditional and tedious and formal._ )

She left before dawn on a Friday, the sun not even peeking over the horizon. Chouji and Shikamaru both saw her off, worry in their faces, and she did nothing to ease it off them. ( _there was nothing she could do._ )

"I'll be fine," she said with a wave of her hand.

And like that she was gone.

* * *

Traveling to Suna from Konoha, at shinobi speed, took three to four days depending on the route. Temari preferred traveling south west, in a direct line, rather than any other way. It meant going through the Land of Rivers only rather than any other lands. ( _the land of rivers and the land of storms, tankigakure and amegakure respectively, were considered cursed and haunted lands by most now. the akatsuki had not done good things for their standings._ )

It was a pleasant journey- within the Land of Fire at least. The land was dotted with little farming villages and families who were use to traveling shinobi. Occasionally you'd see a group of children rush out and point as she moved by, awe in their eyes.

The Land of Rivers was a different story. there were few villages that dotted the green landscape, the ones that did were usually situated around offshoots of the main river that ran through the land. There were no good natured greetings here- no awe in children. Just angry stares and adults who would pull children close and away when she passed through.

She was relieved once she reached the border, green land beginning to die away into patchy spots of nothing. The relief grew into joy once the landscape gave fully away into desert, sand and wind rolling through.

there were no villages north of suna and only one or two farms. most of the inhabitants of the country lived in Suna, in the Daimyo's village, or were entirely nomadic. What point was there to settle somewhere that had no resources?

It was inhospitable. It was harsh.

It was home.

* * *

She arrived to her birth village a little later than anticipated, exhaustion starting to have set in halfway there. This was something she'd have to get use to. Not being able to  _do_ like she use to be able to do.

the guards at the gate greeted her amicably, respect shining in their faces. they let her know her brothers had been asking of her, which she waved off with a laugh, before letting her in. Temari knew her little brothers. Knew the moment she didn't show up early they had begun to worry and fret.

She headed for the Kazekage tower first and met Kankuro on her way.

"That Nara rubbing off on you, Temari? Not like you to be late."

"I missed you too, Kankuro."

They walked to the tower together and made their way to Gaara's office with ease. Shinobi lining the hallways stepped aside as they walked by, greeting them with respect. To others it was perhaps unusual- them being so young and being some of the highest ranked shinobi in the village- but it was something they had been trained for since they were born. It was as natural for them as breathing was.

Temari, for her part, played casual well. She hid the worry that grew in her chest with each step she took towards Gaara's office. She knew it was better to get it over with, let the inevitable happen and move forward. She was on short time after all.

But still… it wasn't something she was looking forward to.

Gaara smiled when they both entered the room and gave them his full attention, papers down for once. Temari recalled the shinobi union meeting, speaking of what the other village representatives had said, and waited.

"I'm glad your trip was well," her youngest brother had said, starting to rise from his seat. "I'd like for us to get dinner together, if that's alright. It's been some time."

Kankuro had snorted in agreement, turning to open the door, when Temari stopped them.

"Wait. There's something else."

Both boys turned to look at her. Gaara's head tilted, gentle confusion etched on his face, while Kankuro looked irritated.

"Shikamaru and I are getting married."

( _what was that about her finding more graceful or tactful ways to talk to others?_ )

You could have heard a pin drop.

And then, all at once:

" _ **What**_?!"

She breathed, rounding on Kankuro who looked more like a feral, angry cat than a human. His face was screwed up, eyes wide, and stance tense. Gaara, behind her, looked more confused than anything.

"You didn't want to get married-  _what the hell Temari_?! Is he blackmailing you?!"

"God, Kankuro! The hell? No! He's not! I'm the one who asked  _him_!"

The anger dropped, hurt etching across her middle brother's face. He stepped back, shoulders drawing together.

"So you want to leave us?"

Temari drew herself up, face shifting into an expression that didn't suit her. Was too soft, too sad for her.

"Kankuro- No. It's not that at all. I'll still be working for Suna- I'd never leave you like that- It'll be like it is now, just my time in Konoha will be a little longer."

"He can't move here?"

It was pitiful. He was like a child again, a boy with no family besides his sister. He never wanted her to leave back then either.

"Kankuro…"

"Enough," Gaara cut the conversation short, stepping out from behind his desk to put a hand on Temari's shoulder. "Congratulations, Temari. Let's go eat."

She knew he wasn't alright- but the fact he was trying to pretend he was meant a lot.

They'd come around eventually.

She hoped.


End file.
